{"id":4870,"date":"2024-03-14T19:45:35","date_gmt":"2024-03-14T14:15:35","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/goodworld.in\/?p=4870"},"modified":"2026-02-19T11:57:55","modified_gmt":"2026-02-19T11:57:55","slug":"six-of-the-mirror-story-of-feedback","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/goodworld.in\/oldblogs\/six-of-the-mirror-story-of-feedback\/","title":{"rendered":"Six of the mirror- story of feedback"},"content":{"rendered":"\t\t
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SIX OF THE MIRROR AND FOUR OF MINE<\/strong><\/p>

What is a feedback?<\/h2>

I have often heard that people improve if they are given a proper feedback. But what is a feedback? Is it a skill? Or art?<\/p>

If it is skill, then I can cultivate it through practice. All it needs is to understand and master the skills involved. However, if it is an art, I think I shall have to add some inner part of myself to those skills. May be this part is my intuitive self or the sixth sense. Reflecting upon what giving or feedback is, let me look at it both as a skill and an art.<\/p>

Six qualities of mirror<\/h2>

I have often heard that giving of feedback is like being a mirror to another person. How does the mirror give feedback? Let me give a detailed thought to this simile.<\/p>

\"Man<\/a><\/p>

1. Specific<\/h3>

First<\/em><\/strong>, when I stand in front of the mirror, I see some grey hair on my head. The mirror is not vague; it doesn\u2019t say that there is something disturbing about my appearance. In fact, the mirror is so specific<\/u><\/strong> that it tells exactly which part of the hair has greyed and to what extent. So, the first still that the mirror seems to be using in giving the feedback is that it is very specific as against being vague and general.<\/p>

And what do I do when I give a feedback? Is it so specific? What efforts do I take to make it specific? I think, I tell people in the office, somebody asks me to clarify it, which is very rare, I specify only up to a point and not fully. Yes, I have to improve in this area. I must tell my subordinates; for instance, that the recommendation make in their note should be the logical conclusion of the preceding paragraphs. And at home, I can tell my wife that when the guests are entertained, it is the continuing sight of used cups and plates in the drawing room that upsets me.<\/p>

2. Non judgmental<\/h3>

Secondly,<\/em><\/strong> I notice that the mirror just reflects me, or describes me the way I look. This is important in as much as its feedback is neither evaluative nor judgmental<\/u><\/strong>. While showing my grey hair the mirror does not say to me that I am becoming old. It is for me to understand what my grey hair means. The mirror has no meaning to give, no judgement to pass. When I give a feedback to the subordinate in the office, when he has failed to do some work assigned to him, for instance, I do feel like calling him useless. Do I refrain form evaluation, judging? I think I am always tempted to evaluate, when work is not done. I may say, \u201cYou are not efficient\u201d. This is surely evaluation him negatively. Could I tell him, for instance, that I needed the information from him today, and it has not come? And at home, instead of telling my daughter, she is oversensitive (which is evaluative) I could tell her that whenever I am angry, she immediately starts sobbing.<\/p>

3. Non-directing<\/h3>

Thirdly,<\/em><\/strong> after showing me my grey hair, I find that the mirror is totally silent. It is absolutely non-directing<\/u><\/strong> about my subsequent action and it has no advice to give me. When pointing out to my daughter that she has watched TV longer than she planned, I don\u2019t refrain from voicing my expectation to her. I have an emotional involvement in her and I have also a father\u2019s role. But will I at least reduce my need to direct her as she grows up? I don\u2019t feel sure.<\/p>

4. Immediate<\/h3>

Fourthly,<\/em><\/strong> I observe that the mirror gives immediate<\/u><\/strong> feedback as distinct from a delayed one. This brings to my mind that many times I postpone giving feedback to my colleagues or subordinates without a strong reason. When I give it after a lapse of time, I create uncomfortable feelings in them and they replay, \u201cWhy didn\u2019t you tell then?\u201d I cannot accept that every feedback can be given immediately. But if I am postponing, am I doing so consciously and for a valid reason?<\/p>

5. Genuine<\/h3>

Fifthly,<\/em><\/strong> I am impressed by a less noticed characteristic of the mirror, it always gives me a genuine<\/u><\/strong> feedback. It never has a hidden agenda. I cannot claim that I am always free from ulterior motives when I give a feedback to others. Particularly, when I give a positive feedback, I discover after reflection that I was guided by some desire to please. My motive sometimes can even be manipulating for a future advantage. Many times my ulterior motive while giving the feedback to another person has been to seek his or her acceptance of me. My hidden agenda could be of this type.\u00a0 It is possible that I must have exaggerated my positive feedback in that process and bordered on sycophancy unwittingly. Even in giving a negative feed back, I could be sometimes, at least unconsciously, settling my past scores.<\/p>

6.Whole<\/h3>

The mirror, sixthly,<\/em><\/strong> has a very unique character. It gives feedback on the whole<\/u><\/strong> of my person as far as it can see; my grey hair, my dress, my physical stature and even my moods as writ on the face. It doesn\u2019t select some aspect of myself and tell me only about that aspect. I am amused that when I give feedback to my wife or a person in the office, I speak only about one aspect at a time, and more funnily, it is the negative one. I do observe on the breakfast table that the omelette is salty but ignore to say the cup of tea is really great that day.<\/p>

These six qualities of the mirror are indeed laudable and howsoever difficult they may be, I would like to imbibe them \u2013 making my feedback specific, Descriptive, non \u2013 directing, immediate, Genuine and giving it on the Whole Person. I think it could be possible by practice. I know this practice is not very easy, but I can surely make an attempt at acquiring this bunch of skills and check on myself frequently.<\/p>

Four of mine<\/h3>

But even if I acquire these skills someday, I don\u2019t think I will be satisfied with that much. For, the mirror is a lifeless object and I feel myself different and perhaps greater than the mirror. Even an apt simile is useful up to a certain point. Beyond that, it may cease to be a source of learning. I can\u2019t say that the mirror has everything that is necessary for giving a proper feedback. By taking the help of the mirror, I have examined feedback only as a bunch of some useful technical skills. Let me now turn to examine, what, as a living person, I can add of myself to these skills and perhaps convert them into an art.<\/p>

1.Assessment of receptivity<\/h3>

It is important for me that I relate to the receiver of my feedback also as a living person. For this, first<\/em><\/strong> of all, I can use my assessment of the receptivity<\/u><\/strong> of the receiver of my feedback. The mirror can\u2019t do this. My use of this judgement would necessitate my considering the mood of the receiver, his acceptance of me as a person and the time and place that I choose when I give him my feedback. If I don\u2019t use such assessment, even my positive feedback may turn the receiver hostile towards me. I remember I had profusely praised my Professor of Economics for her classes in the presence of the College Principal and other Professors without caring to know how that would provoke her colleagues. She later pulled me up for my insensitivity. As regards negative feed back, it would be damaging to the receiver and ultimately to my relationship with him in the absence of my assessment about his receptivity. For instance, if he is under some tension and I tell him that his grammar is wrong, he would surely be justified in asking me to mind my own business.<\/p>

2. Respect<\/h3>

Secondly,<\/em><\/strong> I think I can bring forth my respect<\/u><\/strong> for the other person when I give him feedback. I don\u2019t think the mirror can ever acquire this quality. I think I can always remind myself that the receiver of my feedback has a capacity to use it. I don\u2019t have to advise him about what to do with my feedback. Even if I have a valuable advice to give, I must check the temptation of giving it. For, I can respect his freedom to make use of my feedback. Therein lay his opportunity to grow. And by doing this, I am not \u201callowing\u201d him to grow. Who am I to \u201callow\u201d anyone to grow? All I am doing is preventing myself from blocking his growth when I refrain from giving him my advice.<\/p>

3. Concern<\/h3>

The third<\/em><\/strong> important thing I can add to my feedback is my concern<\/u><\/strong> for the receiver. The lifeless mirror can\u2019t have such concern. How do I communicate my concern to the other person? I think I don\u2019t have to bother about it; for, if it exists, it will get communicated. May be non-verbally and may be even without my awareness. All I need to ensure is that such concern genuinely exists in me. Yet, in spite of my concern for him I am not going to insist that he should modify his behaviour according to what I think.<\/p>

4.Intimacy<\/h3>

The fourth<\/em><\/strong> and the most important thing I can do is to take the opportunity to develop intimacy<\/u><\/strong> with the other person when I give him a feedback. The poor mirror can\u2019t think of such opportunity. When I give a feedback to another person, I am in fact touching him. When I do that I myself am receiving his touch at that time. When my right palm touches my left palm, is not the left palm touching the right too? Every feedback, then, gives an opportunity to exchange touch, come closer and feel intimate. With that, the mutual trust grows, concern deepens, affection increase. I and the other person take off our masks voluntarily, one after another and see each other better, clearer and surer. Oh, how rejuvenating that would be!<\/p>

Thus, adding myself to the mirror\u2019s skills of giving feedback would mean acknowledging the receiver as a living person and using my Assessment of the Receptivity of the receiver, activating my Respect for him, acting out my Concern for him and taking feedback as an Opportunity to develop intimacy with him.<\/p>

Six of the mirror and four of mine. I think that would be a creative combination.<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t

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Credit- State Bank Academy, Gurugram<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t

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SIX OF THE MIRROR AND FOUR OF MINE What is a feedback? I have often heard that people improve if they are given a proper feedback. But what is a feedback? Is it a skill? Or art? If it is skill, then I can cultivate it through practice. All it needs is to understand and … Read more<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":4871,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[3],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-4870","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-old-posts"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/goodworld.in\/oldblogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4870","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/goodworld.in\/oldblogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/goodworld.in\/oldblogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/goodworld.in\/oldblogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/goodworld.in\/oldblogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4870"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/goodworld.in\/oldblogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4870\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":17589,"href":"https:\/\/goodworld.in\/oldblogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4870\/revisions\/17589"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/goodworld.in\/oldblogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/4871"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/goodworld.in\/oldblogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4870"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/goodworld.in\/oldblogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=4870"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/goodworld.in\/oldblogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=4870"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}